A reader question:
Dear Editor,
Is it considered in good taste to wear a Blazer and khakis or grey trousers to a memorial service? Or is a suit necessary?
Thanks
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It completely depends upon who died.
ReplyDeleteI think the main thing to remember is that some sort of formality is observed...be it a suit and tie or sport coat, nice shirt and nicer khakis or flannel/linen trousers. Consider the setting also - church vs funeral home vs backyard setting. People know what proper taste is...whether or not they choose to observe it is always a toss up.
ReplyDeleteSadly, it seems number of people who know what proper taste is diminishes daily.
DeleteIf you are mourning, don't show up dressed for a summer party.
ReplyDeleteDepends on where you are and who is involved. In some circumstances it means a dark suit, white shirt, and dark tie. In Hawaii a high-quality aloha shirt is considered respectful. The territory in between is vast. We need more information here.
ReplyDeleteFor those wondering, the memorial is for a lifelong New Englander. It will be held in a Protestant church.
ReplyDeleteWear a dark suit. Take liberty with your tie. Think like Cirquitor.
ReplyDeleteJust went to a memorial service yesterday. (The ashes were being interred a year after the the funeral.) The people who matter are the deceased and the family. Your behavior should satisfy one of the the two. For example, the deceased was a a civil war re-enactor so period costume was considered a tribute.
ReplyDeleteGenerally speaking, a dark suit (gray or navy blue) with a suitable tie (dark or associated club/fraternity) are fine.
I wear a dark suit with a white shirt with a darkish tie and my black wingtip Alden dress shoes.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, the most important thing is that you are there. Some might rattle on about showing respect with your clothes. But it seems that it’s the caring and compassion that matters most. .
Agree with Anon 10:39. “It doesn’t matter what you wear, just as long as you are there.”
ReplyDeleteYes. The incomparable Martha Reeves sung it best.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would not wear khakis to a memorial service. But I think a blazer with grey flannels, crisp shirt, and muted tie is okay. More to the point however, a dark suit and tie will not make one overdressed, so why not where them?
ReplyDeleteagree
DeleteDark, and tasteful.
ReplyDeleteIt can vary depending on how the family is treating things. Absent direction, a dark suit and white shirt are standard for men, but in the Episcopal Church, a funeral is an Easter celebration with white hangings and vestments. When a dear friend who also attended our church died, the service and reception were at a garden and fairly casual. When her husband, very much COE, died, his instructions for his funeral eucharist at the church were to "wear loud jackets." I wore Madras and fit right in! We miss you, Tam and The Raj.
ReplyDeleteI was once asked to wear a favourite T shirt to a cremation. I don’t wear T shirts. So a couple of us turned up in dark suits and black ties. The deceased was a rock and roll type.
ReplyDeleteOther cremations have been almost as bad. ‘Highway to Hell’ was one of chosen songs in Putney crematorium, though the deceased looked more like a retired bank manager than a hard rock type. ‘He ain’t heavy he’s my brother’ was another naff song in Reading.
When I go I want ‘Ave Maria’ preferably sung rather than a recording. ‘Salve Regina’ too. It was the school hymn.
Black suit, white shirt, black tie, black polished Oxfords. Personally I do not feel like it’s appropriate to wear anything less than a suit out of respect, however, the last few funerals/cremations I was the only one. People just show up in tennis shoes, salmon coloured Lacoste half zips, T-shirts. There’s no sense of dressing for occasion anymore. If it’s a special request or an honorary thing such as the aforementioned T-shirts or Aloha shirts, it is a totally different story and I would always adhere to that - to ignore a dresscode is unimaginable and in my own book, beyond rude. That brings the whole other subject to the table of all these wildly imaginative dresscodes that leave room for interpretation….. classics are classics for a reason, everyone knows what they can expect. This also brings forward the growing annoyance of chefs using classically named dishes upon which you should be able to rely worldwide, yet they feel the need to express something ‘deconstructed’, ‘with a twist’ and ‘our interpretation’. I digress. Dressing for the occasion is a good thing. I think it shows respect to the deceased that you have made an effort to say your last goodbye.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. Personally when I die I’m not going to make all my friends and relations dress up like hot dogs or rodeo clowns as seems fashionable these days, but obviously if you’re asked to do so, you should do so. The *dress code* is king. If they say “wear polka dots” and you show up in a suit, you are putting your own tastes ahead of the dress code, which is always a faux pas.
DeleteBlack wool suits are an abomination and have no place in business or civilised society. For funerals, the best choice is a charcoal flannel suit with a white shirt, black tie and black cap-toe Oxfords.
ReplyDelete