A reader question.
Hi Muffy,
May I please ask a question.
My wife recently bought me a man's bracelet, which supposedly has healing properties for my arthritic shoulder. It's a beaded affair and not something I would ever have considered wearing being older and a bit staid, but to please her I have been doing so and I must admit I have grown to really like it and don't feel self conscious wearing it at all. In fact I've bought myself another one! What are the readers views on men wearing bracelets?
Kind regards
I'm from the school of "Other than a wristwatch and perhaps a wedding ring, a man should not wear jewelry." Others may differ.
ReplyDeleteconcur, wholeheartedly
DeleteAgreed. I dislike big, expensive watches which are worn by wannabes and so called "celebrities" who are paid large sums to wear, i.e. advertise, them.
DeleteAgree, also wholeheartedly. Yet I admit it would be difficult to say no, given the sincere intent.
DeleteAgree
DeleteI appreciate having grown up with the watch-and-wedding-ring-only aesthetic - it's rendered me immune to necklaces, bracelets, pinky rings, and all that stuff
DeleteI wear a heavy sterling silver cuff on my right wrist. It has strong sentimental value, and in no way clashes with my very traditional wardrobe which aligns perfectly with most of the clothes on this site. My only other jewellery is my father's watch and my wedding ring. At my age (62) I'm too old to worry about what strangers think, though I'm flattered to have received many compliments on it. If your wife gave it to you, and you love it, run with it.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, an anonymous writer on the internet reminds me of why I read this blog. Thank you.
DeleteThank YOU.
DeleteOne of my male students wore a handsome cuff bracelet made of bronze. I commented on it once and he said that it had belonged to his father who had served in Vietnam and that he never took it off. I found that very touching.
ReplyDeleteI have been wearing David Yurman cuffs for years. Most people respond positively, if at all. Any negative comments are dealt with, "I wear this for me, not you."
ReplyDeleteHappy wife, happy life.
ReplyDeleteAnd you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.
DeleteWhen we were teenagers we tied a piece of rawhide, as a “bracelet,” around our wrist.
ReplyDeleteEven some of us 60 year olds still do that...
DeleteI do not wear one. I think it is like hats: some men they look good others they do not. Maybe I am showing my age but in the 70's wasn't it popular to have a bracelet with a POW's name on it?
ReplyDelete100% in favor of wearing what you love.
ReplyDeleteI used to wear rope bracelets every summer. They ended up chafing my wrist and often never dried out, particularly when I was guiding canoe trips. A modern alternative are Chaco wrist wraps - a strand of webbing, basically a skinny, softer version of the material used for runners/slings for rock climbing. They run around my wrist twice and have a textured aluminum slider. The slider makes it easy to take them off if needed. Also, webbing dries much more quickly than rope. They're informal - great for casual wear, the beach, hiking and climbing. I don't wear them for anything even moderately dressy, though I sometimes wear one to the office.
ReplyDeleteI wear a watch daily on the left, and a fitness device on the right, so metal cuffs or bracelets wouldn't work for me.
My female children and granddaughters have each enjoyed weaving bracelets out of multicolored threads, most often during summertimes as a way to relax and pass the time. They've made them around my wrists and ankles while I sit quietly myself, relaxing, most often while reading. The things they talk about when they think you're not listening are so sweet, funny and revealing of their innermost thoughts and feelings. I'll wear the 'brace and anklets" happily until they see that they've become worn or dirty and want to make new ones and start all over again.
ReplyDeleteMen can/should wear whatever they want. Whether or not others find it appropriate or attractive is a whole other question.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Thank you.
Delete"Dressing for oneself and not for others" is everything wrong in the world put into a single phrase. A gentleman, by definition, exhibits courtesy, respect, and consideration of others in all things--especially getting dressed. In any case, I'm clearly in the minority here, but to me a bracelet on a man gives the impression that the wearer is vain. Subsequent behavior can dispel the impression, but I think it's better not to make it in the first place.
ReplyDeleteDressing for others is a slippery slope.
DeleteAgreed
DeleteAll of the people here describing bracelets they wear that were made and given with love exhibit the opposite of vanity
DeleteYou dress for others to show them respect.
DeleteTo say that you show respect for others by dressing for them makes little sense to me. Very few people have the same taste. Your own individual style is understood and respected by very few people. To be kind and gentle with others perhaps is a better way to show respect. To appreciate what they are no matter how different from you, that’s how to show respect.
DeleteAnon 7:48 has a point, I think. Put yourself on the receiving end: Say, for instance, you’re a potential client. You’re looking for a new accountant. Some guy shows up, looking for your business, in a t-shirt, cargo shorts and “crocs.” What’s your reaction?
DeleteI think you should dress well out of respect for yourself.
DeleteBingo. You don’t need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows.
DeleteIf I wear a blazer to a BBQ am I showing respect or disrespect to my BBQ host? I would opine neither. I am me. Period.
DeleteSome would opine you respect your host, even unwittingly, with your blazer. The little extra effort it takes to wear it shows you care.
DeletePlain spoken; dress like you give a damn.
DeleteGive a damn about what ?
DeleteAgain, even by the narrow, silly confines and strictures of Anon 2:47's edicts, there is nothing about this man wearing a bracelet from his wife that interferes with him "dressing for others." Does Anon 2:47 wear spats? Does he wear a gold pocket watch? Does he wear a Homburg? Does he wear a straw boater in the Midwest? Probably not, because it would be dated and pretentious, and would only set him up for mockery. Times change. If one's sense of classic dressing is so insecure and and tightly wound that it's threatened by a bracelet on an otherwise perfectly classically turned-out gentleman, it's just cosplay. Style is inherent. What Anon 2:47 is talking about is trad drag.
DeleteAnon 8:30 perhaps gives a damn about self respect. When one travels in a very poor country it is easy to tell the difference between those who are down on their luck, all things being relative, and those who are not. A street person looks like a street person whether you’re in Addis Ababa or Missoula. The average poverty stricken Ethiopian will still strive to be, by local standards, well dressed. That is self respect. That is giving a damn.
DeleteAnon 5:37, you did realize this is about a man wearing a beaded bracelet from his wife, right? I mean, all this sartorial melodrama of yours about "very poor countries" and "respect" and "giving a damn" is very noble, but don't have a stroke over it, hun. All of these people getting so exercised are squealing about an otherwise classically dressed man wearing a bracelet from his wife. Settle down.
DeleteI’d say so Anon 6:33. We, though, at the top of the pyramid sometimes take a lot for granted.
DeleteHow true. As the song goes.. “some are living big, but most are living small, can’t hardly find no food at all.”
DeleteQuite the little tangent here… follow up to Anon 5:37: Thanks to my career I travelled extensively in Third World countries. From the big cities. (like Addis Ababa) to the smallest village, most people dress, seemingly, with more care than the average flip-flopping customer at the local American mall.
DeleteI have severe rheumatoid arthritis and am familiar with the bracelets you mention. I'm also 62 years old. With ot without the issue with your shoulder, your wife gave it to you as she is/ was thinking of you and you've come to like it. Personally, I believe it would be inappropriate to not wear it. While I understand an adherence to conservative dressing, I also understand the value of a woman that loves and cares for you, as well as enjoying things for yourself. From my perspective, you are blessed. Truly blessed.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for perhaps too personal question (to both of you), did you check what is the origin of your rheumatoid arthritis?
DeleteSometimes only few changes in our daily routine give great results. I am not familiar with bracelets but herbs, essential oils, a few changes in a daily diet makes a miracle. Unless it's auto-immunological. Sorry again but it seems like people are looking for alternative treatments, but the good start is to find out the origin. We do not have to suffer when ageing, and 62 is not any age.
THIS! 1000%.
DeleteIn my early years I was a golf pro and gave it up due to the onset of arthritis mainly in my right shoulder. That was a long time ago and I've managed it well over the years. (I am the questioner).
DeleteNot for me, but maybe some.
ReplyDeleteHas it helped your shoulder? Asking for a friend.
ReplyDeleteActually it may, be psychological, but I believe it has
DeleteI wear a friendship bracelet that my 5-year old daughter made for me. It makes me happy.
DeleteBeaded bracelets (for men?) do not help arthritis, but do make good fodder for a late summer discussion of men's fashion
ReplyDeleteI shall try to circle back later. In Austin late summer is still months away.
DeleteI like some bracelets on other men but not on myself. My only "jewelry" is a wristwatch (not an Apple or similar) but a good old fashioned analog, mechanical watch.
ReplyDeleteRemember: This blog concerns itself with all things deemed "preppy." In that the culture of old school tastes and values are front and center herein, I would liken bracelets on men to be akin to "tasteful tattoos." Sorry, but no.
ReplyDeleteI would only offer, "the culture of old school tastes" did not necessarily allow for people of color, and we've evolved past that, so in the spirit of evolution, could something as insignificant as a bracelet be outre?
DeleteThe concept of "preppy" is an artifact of sociology and social stratification. It is rather codified and etched in stone. Modifying this construct falls along the lines of postmodernism, which is and of itself a no-no to the sensibilities of the classicist. An analogy might be installing jalousie windows to a Colonial Revival masterpiece, etcetera and so on.
DeleteIvy has been largely codified and etched in stone, but during its years of prominence it was evolving. Preppy is very fluid, witness the phenomena of A & F's popularity, fall from popularity, and resurgence, Vineyard Vine's similar but less dramatic swings, the coming and going of Cole Haan drivers, the rediscovery of short shorts, and so many other fashion blips, none of which could have been imagined or been adopted during the birth of the preppy phenomenon. Would a man stepping out of the OPH picked up some Southern Tide shirts or pulled on some Nikes? Heck, he would not even buy a two button, darted, double vented jacket or an OCBD made overseas.
DeleteDoes the header above not state that this blog is concerned with "The Thing Before Preppy"? (Emphasis on before). Is it not also the case that the audience is wide ranging, not only within the United States but also outside it's shores? I would suggest therefore that all opinions are valid whether yeah or neah on the subject.
DeleteYes I agree !
DeleteI have friends who come from old New England families as preppy as you can get who have family members who are set designers on broadway who wear things that would be scorned by some of these readers. There are so many tangents that fall under the heading “ The thing before Preppy.”
DeleteThere are no rules contrary to what some may think.
Today's "old school taste" is tomorrow's anachronism. Style is inherent, one either has it or one does not. And if one is terrified of a bracelet on a man's wrist, especially one that is a gift from his wife, one very likely does not have it.
DeleteWell said, Anon 2:04.
DeleteWhat a load of codswallop, Guestie.
DeleteWristwatch only. Bracelets on men look ungapatchka (a bissel yiddish for wasps).
ReplyDeleteRalph Lifshitz as well as the late Ben Silver and Jacobi Press would agree, I have no doubt.
DeleteI wear a gold signet ring and sometimes a navy Rubinacci silk bracelet - don't really care what people think - wear with my club polo shirts too
ReplyDeleteThank you to all who have taken the time to respond to my question, it's been an interesting debate. I have been deeply moved by many of the responses, thank you and yes I am truly blessed. For the one or two who believe I have lost my moral compass please rest assured that I remain immaculately dressed at all times whether in casual clothes or at more formal events and have retained my impeccable manners. I am still well regarded within my local community as a gentleman and I still attend Church with my adorable wife and assist her with her charity work mainly for the homeless and animal charities. Other than within this question I have thus far not been accused of being disrespectful for wearing my inconspicuous gift.
ReplyDeleteOh, pish posh, bracelets on men don't really bother me, particularly if there is a sentiment attached to one. TBH, I'm not crazy about metal bracelets (gold, silver, etc.), but goodness me, they are not a thing to worry about.
ReplyDeleteHow thankful that they don’t bother you.
DeleteI would not consider wearing a bracelet. But I have a wonderful niece, and if she gave me one I would wear it in all but the most formal settings.
ReplyDeleteNot something I'd pick for myself, but if a niece, cousin, sister, girlfriend, wife, or mother picked it out for me? I'd definitely wear it.
ReplyDeleteUnless they were all in the same shop, then I'd hop a freight to Bangor.
I think it's a grey area. Nelson Aldrich, in his unparalleled analysis of "the thing before preppy [or preppie]" noted that an essential feature of preppies is "discretion," which he defines like this:
ReplyDelete"Discretion is alertness. The Preppie is exquisitely alert to the most delicate reverberations of his own impact on a social situation, and of everyone else’s.
[...] Preppies mete out their feelings and thoughts and gestures in discreet performances, chosen and shaped for their appropriateness."
Preppies prefer modest, restrained clothing in part because they want to carefully modulate their social interactions to make other people feel good. That's the essence of prep charm, grace, and public-spiritedness. And it's impossible to pull it off in clothing and accessories that call attention to themselves.
Preppies will, however, occasionally go wild when surrounded by their own kind, such as wearing "go to hell pants" at country club parties or Christmas events.
Judging by this comment thread, the appropriateness of a bracelet seems to depend on the audience. Personally, I feel negative reverberations when I see a man wearing a bracelet. It is the same reverberation I get from a visible tattoo or a shirt with writing or a logo. It gives the impression that the man is vain or self-involved--two qualities that are the opposite of preppy manners, modesty, and restraint. But, apparently, other people feel other reverberations from bracelets. Rules don't always work: sometime you just need to rely on sensitivity, tact, and a sense of occasion.
I found it interesting to read this thread. Thanks to Mrs. Aldrich, the person who posed the question, and the contributors.
I’m sorry, this is a crock of nonsense. “The Preppie is exquisitely alert to the most delicate reverberations of his own impact on a social situation, and of everyone else’s.” Oh really? Not the preps I know, especially if someone is outside the circle. Yes, there is a strained, polite quietness, then when that person has left, oh my goodness, the comments ….
Delete“Preppies prefer modest, restrained clothing in part because they want to carefully modulate their social interactions to make other people feel good.” More pap and nonsense. If you really wanted to make other people feel good, you’d wear what they wear. Instead, overly expensive, specifically sourced, rigidly cut, and restricted to only the highest quality natural fibers -- Do these help you make others feel good? Highly doubtful this is the impact. Let’s be honest here, wearing these clothes sets you apart and separates you from others. It doesn’t bring you together; it separates you from others.
If tailored suits, pressed khakis and oxfords, wool sweaters, blue sport coats, and polished shoes are such a turn off, it's hard to explain why basically every male leader in politics, business, and philanthropy dresses that way. They dress that way because it helps other people feel safe, secure, respected, and cared about. I think it's sad that, for example, some father's wear cargo shorts and t-shirts to meet their child's teacher. But surely they would not feel better if the teacher were wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt as well.
DeleteWho said they were a turnoff?
Deleteto anonymous 10:29AM,
DeleteI am sorry but if I wanted to make other people feel good I would have to wear ripped jeans, t-shirts and sweatpants for every occasion (pyjamas we can't forget!). I should add tattoes and piercing I guess.
I am a foreigner, not a preppy obviously, I guess it's far more than just a style, but I really prefer all the highest quality natural fibres and decent clothes, my old Cartier and polished leather shoes or espadrillos.
Can't help.
Wear what you want. There’s more interesting things about you than whether you wear a bracelet or not.
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeletePrecisely! It’s really a big deal and no one should judge on something so personal and of potentially significant sentimental value. To do so would be petty and so ridiculously superficial!
DeleteOn a very long backpacking journey last year I tied a different woven bracelet on my left wrist to commemorate each new state I crossed into. When I got home, I continued to wear them, all 14, until I saw myself in a mirror. They're now in a drawer until I decide to do something with them.
ReplyDeleteI wear a lot of silver bangles on my left arm 24/7, as many as 12 if they are small and maybe only 3 if larger. Always wear at least 3 because I like the clinking sounds they make as they move around. But I only rarely have anyone ask me about them. I’ve been wearing them for decades, even when I worked. Anyone who knows me would be more surprised if I wasn’t wearing any.
ReplyDelete