A reader question:
I'm attending a wedding next week at the Jersey Shore, with cocktail attire specified. Can men wear chinos, a blue blazer, and a tie, or should I go with a full navy suit without a tie? Ferd, where are you when I need guidance?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thank you for posting this question. Cocktail attire covers a range of formality, and I think either of the ensembles you suggest would be acceptable. If you want my opinion, however, I think you should wear a suit, tie, and correct shoes. You will look and feel great and never need to give a second thought to whether you followed the dress code. You will convey to the wedding party that you take the union seriously. And you will give those around you the rare pleasure of seeing a well turned-out gentleman.
ReplyDeleteWearing a suit without a tie makes you look like you've been incarcerated and your tie has been confiscated to prevent you from hanging yourself. Of course you can always button the top button of your shirt for that highly recherché Iranian politician look. Ask yourself what is typical of what men today believe is cool or sexy, and do the opposite. This also goes for your shaved head, your goatee, and gray stubble, though the latter does add a drunk look that works well with the incarceration theme.
ReplyDeleteI’m pretty sure you’d rather see my shaved head than my male pattern baldness, and without my grey goatee you’d only see a circle of pink
DeleteThere is nothing wrong with male pattern baldness - it is natural and respectable, and a big plus if you are confident with it. The shaved head/suit with no tie combination seems like an Eastern European gangster.
DeleteHilarious!
DeleteIf you're going no tie, wear a blazer. Suits without ties make you look like a politician who's trying too hard to seem approachable. Chinos, OCBD, blazer, no tie, pocket square, good loafers: that's what I would do.
ReplyDeleteAll "cocktail attire" really means by today's standards is that the host doesn't want you to wear jeans. It's a message to, "try just a little bit, please." Someone might pull out some formal definition, but really it just means to dress up.
ReplyDeleteI'd lean toward a blazer or sport coat and some sort of nice pants with a tie. You'll still be conveying adequate respect for the occasion since <10% of the men will wear ties, but the odd jacket keeps you from evoking memories of dressing up for high school prom.
At last! After several somnambulant Reader Questions regardings such scintillating topics as wallpaper and something called "jeans", there arises a true inquiry for the ages. This question is one which only I can answer for several reasons most of Muffster's faithful already know. Yet, upon reflection, I must preface my remarks by stating that any True Prep commands I give to your reader in New Jersey must be qualified by this. If you are attending a gathering at the "Jersey Shore" anywhere other than Bay Head or Spring Lake, just stop reading, turn off your computer and never, ever search SWNE again. You don't belong. In the off event that you are going to Bay Head or Spring Lake than my advise is the same as I provided with reference to attending your child's graduation from St. Paul: polo shirt, three button blue blazer from Jr. Press manufactured before 1985, khaki's (wtf is a 'chino'), a needlepoint belt your wife made for you when you were first dating, no socks and fifteen year old Alden half strap loafers gleaming with shine. That is it. There are no embellishments, no substitutions. The hosts, who invariably reside during the off season in either Princeton, the upper East Site or Far Hills, will recognize and accept you immediately. You're welcome
ReplyDeleteYeah, that is their sartorial secret handshake. Before going that route, ask yourself, is admission to that clique truly what you seek? I laud Ferd's props for items that have personal history (I would have gone Chipp for the blazer and LHS for the shoes. Who wears straps?). However, the questions are who are you, and how do you wish to project it in that setting? Are you young enough or old enough to carry off Nanny reds or Madras? If so, this might be your moment. Please stop short of critter pants. If you are the staid sort, there is nothing to fault in NBB, grey tropical worsteds, pink, blue, or white OCBD, and your school tie. A bowtie is always a good call. If it is a four in hand, keep the knot small an askew. Sprezzatura, honestly come by, is always the perfect finishing touch. A full blown suit, point collar, shined oxfords, and patterned tie will look awkward, and feel likewise.
DeleteForgive me, but I got a migraine reading your post. And, after Tucker Carlson, the Trinity Traitor, a bow tie is never a good call. What were you thinking? As for Chipp, you would have to be about 88 to own one today, just sayin.
Delete"my advice is the same" not "my advise is the same".
DeleteYou showed him! Bravo!
DeleteNo stitcher would ever needlepoint a belt for a boyfriend if she wishes to marry him. There is a real belt curse and you only stitch a belt after you are married.
Delete"Cocktail attire" covers the diverse social territory between business casual and black tie. It gives you a lot of leeway, especially at a summer wedding. However, I would definitely wear a tie--either standard or bow. A sport coat or blazer without a tie is simply business casual, in my judgement. And a suit without a tie is almost always a mistake. It makes the wearer look like he was interrupted by an emergency while getting dressed.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Anonymous. I would add, for the love of God ... please wear a single vented blazer ... collars up !!!
ReplyDeleteJacket with or without tie to the rehearsal dinner or wedding shower.
ReplyDeleteJacket with tie or suit with tie to the wedding.
Suit without tie only if you are performing in a stage production of Saturday Night Fever.
I think "Ferd" has it right. Unless you've started drinking at the office and I'm not judging, keep the business suit for business and blazer, khaki and loafers for the weekend.......I'd consider the full strap for your loafer, because that was the original purpose of adding it..........Those Norwegians liked things to be sturdy and last.
ReplyDeleteFull strap loafers are a vulgarity. The only men I know who wear them attended Rollins. Nuff said.
DeleteAmen. Alden must produce them at gunpoint. “Half straps” always connote a character defect - usually one grounded in geography. And no beef rolls either. Tie and Oxford, not the polo. Show some cognizance that you aren’t on the Delta shuttle. But by all means, get drunk without being the drunk. The original poster seems a little au courant and excitable. Maybe time to sit out a few plays.
DeleteA tan poplin suit, oxford shirt and bowtie and loafers would also work if you must wear a suit, otherwise follow Ferd.
ReplyDeleteFirst, are you married? If so, ask your wife and follow her orders.
ReplyDeleteSecond, is the wedding in a church, country club, facility or outside?
Church suggests more formality and a polo-khakis-blazer would likely be as inappropriate there as Ferd is anywhere. If it's an old, stately country club, a polo might not work there either..
The polo, khakis and blazer would probably be okay if the event is outside or at a facility.
Personally, I'd go with a non-serious suit (AND TIE!), such as one made of seersucker or linen. It's summer after all.
Oh, please...men, wear socks and a tie if you want to look presentable. This is a wedding, not an invitation to crew on a sailboat, in which case, sockless would be appropriate. Sockless is just unhygienic, and gives off an aspiring Palm Beach vibe. As for the rest, wear a nice summer sport coat, OBCD, and light or dark trousers, to complement the sport coat.
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me I better call James at J Press and see if he has any 40 year old pre 1985 navy blazers left in stock!
ReplyDeleteHow droll. If you didn't own one then you can't own one now. You know, Muffoleiter, I observed once on these pages that I select my enemies for their wit and intelligence. Once again, it seems assured that I have no enemies at SWNE.
DeleteWell, you’re right, sort of. You’re not going to get it from me, but if you have the right phone number you can get into the ‘70-‘80’s dead stock J Press is holding in a warehouse in the Fair Haven section of New Haven.
DeleteGood idea, Craig. Then call Ben Silver's for a set of your university's brass buttons ... collars up !!!
ReplyDeleteWear a blue blazer and a tie--french cuffs and some tasteful cuff links are always appropriate. Always better to be over dressed than under dressed as my mother always told us.
ReplyDeleteAs for socks... If you are wearing Stubbs and Wootons then absolutely no sock. Otherwise, unless you are auditioning for the reboot of the Sopranos, WEAR SOCKS.
Whatever you would wear to a very nice restaurant at one of the more reserved beach towns like Cape May or Avalon. If it's in Seaside Heights, Ocean City or anywhere else with a commercial boardwalk, anything north of a tank top and board shorts.
ReplyDeleteAhem. Cape May and Avalon are towns, I am told, invested by people from "South Jersey" and Philadelphia. There is absolutely no reason, now or everafter, why anyone reading this blog would ever go to either of these places unless, of course, they wish to sit on a porch and talk about the Iggles for seven hours at a clip. As for Seaside Heights, it no longer exists. In 1987 it was used as a nuclear bomb teasting site; the second choice, I was told, was Bridgeport Ct. Ocean City is dry, as in no bars. Nuff said on that.
ReplyDeleteDon't believe everything you hear.
DeleteI'm a New England native and still vacation there. If you find yourself in Brewster, MA later this summer, feel free to stop by. My law practice took us to Washington, DC, and Avalon is our favorite beach town within a reasonable drive. The town, which is very low key by New Jersey standards, has done a great job nurturing and preserving the natural dunes that front the ocean behind the beach....unlike that hideous rock wall in Bay Head. Cape May is better enjoyed for quaint portions of the town and a few good restaurants - try 410 Bank Street.
Philadelphia sports fans have their shortcomings, but the only people of that ilk who darken our porch are relatives who live there.
It may be nice but it’s FAR from anything resembling New England preppy.
DeleteI have good friends from Penn who go there but again it’s not in the least prep.
Blazer, (navy unless the weather is quite warm, in which case seersucker) khakis, OCBD, and loafers to the rehearsal party. To the wedding, you can certainly do a suit, but so as not to look too "try hard" at an event where most men will not be wearing suits, don't go with a dark suit, white shirt and striped tie; instead, pair a medium-grey suit with a colored shirt (pale pink, pale yellow, pale blue, maybe a subtle pale stripe) and either a subtle floral tie or a silk knit in a color that stands out a bit (but not too much). If the tie risks skewing a bit loud, but you really want to wear it, go back to the white shirt, to be safe.
ReplyDeleteFerd is my spirit animal
ReplyDeleteA gentleman should always wear a tie to a wedding.
ReplyDeleteI am sure I will be critsiced
DeleteMIstake
Delete