A reader question:
Hi Muffy,
Longtime admirer of the blog -- an oasis!
Question for the community:
Do we all still send/give handwritten notes (whether thank you notes or short notes for other occasions)? One lesson I imbibed from my father -- in every way a gentleman of the "old school" -- was the value and importance of the handwritten note. He gets his personalized card stock from Smythson of Bond Street (while I take one of his into a local shop to get an almost exact facsimile at a much reduced price). I've found that the reaction one gets when giving such a note -- even from those not raised with similar tastes or traditions -- is uniformly positive; in fact, people seem to be shocked at how much they appreciate it (almost as if the tradition was about something true and meaningful in the first place, imagine that).
Assuming many still do, what is their general philosophy? When and for what purposes should they be sent? With what tone or in what style ought they to be written? Perhaps more esoterically, do people slash out their last name if writing on personalized stock to a friend or family member? (This last practice I have seen done, but not by my father, leading me to question whether it is really "done", if you catch my drift.)
Anyway, I'm interested in other people's thoughts and stories about this fun little tradition.
Best Regards,
I’ve always written notes. I’m 28, so it’s not necessarily something that isn’t “done” anymore. I’ll send a hand-written note for something “serious” or “important,” such as for sympathy or as a thank you for presents or an especially kind act of service. I find the mode of “thanks” should align with the formality or seriousness of the present/act/whatever; sending an engraved thank you card to a friend picking you up a coffee on the way to work is a bit much. A sincere thank you in-person would do.
ReplyDeleteMy mother gave me a few sets of beautiful engraved stationery from Crane (notes, sheets, etc.) when I graduated high school, and I still have them. I use them often. I prefer to write notes from personal stationery than purchase a card at a store (except for the Christmas cards I like from Dempsey & Carroll). I was taught to slash out the name when writing to a close friend. There’s nothing better than beautiful heavy-weight stationery, and I love having the opportunity to use it.
A nice handwritten note is never in bad taste! I send them for the most important purpose (thank-you notes), but also use my personalized stationery for other notes (birthdays, condolence, congratulations, etc.). And yes, I still strike out my printed surname when mailing them to people with whom I'm on a first-name basis.
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ReplyDeleteI have a box of personalized stationery with my name applied across the top & matching envelopes. Most of the time, I print the contents of a thank-you or other missive because my handwriting is not easy to read due to an old hand injury, but I sign my name.
ReplyDeleteYep. Still send than-you cards for gifts and following the rare invitation to someone''s home. To mixed reactions. Some are tickled by the quaint practice while others have almost freaked out the the tune of "You didn't HAVE to to do THAT!" In any case, we are trying to instill the practice in our teen-aged son, but I suspect it will die with us.
ReplyDeleteKind Regards,
Heinz-Ulrich
A gift recipient today values the gift, or in this case the communication, corresponding to the perceived inconvenience it causes the one who gives the gift or writes the note. Everyone knows how easy (dare one say “lazy”) it is merely to tap the send key. A hand written note implies effort, consideration, deference, responsibility, and respect. Keep doing what you’re doing.
DeleteI do try to write notes. Unless your recipient is Letitia Baldrige, I think the practice of slashing your last name is a bit recherche.
ReplyDeleteYes - always handwritten thank-you notes, condolence letters, and the odd letter. I used to (and may again) use monogrammed notecards; as a retiree, I use attractive and unusual cards. They are always well-received, but I usually get thank-you emails and texts in returns, which is, I suppose, better than nothing.
ReplyDeleteNotes galore over here. I (a man) order white correspondence cards from Crane with my name in block letters. I send them for thanks, condolence, and congratulations. The tone varies with the occasion, of course. But I strive for brevity, sincerity, and a bit of humor if appropriate. If I may quote Emily Post, "In writing notes or letters, as in all other forms of social observance, the highest achievement is in giving the appearance of simplicity, naturalness and force."
ReplyDeleteSome examples: to a friend's child on their birthday with a gift card enclosed; to a friend on their getting a promotion; a housewarming note to friends who move; to the owner of a new shop in town wishing them good luck; to the proprietor of an art gallery who spent time helping me pick out a painting; to a friend or acquaintance on their suffering a personal loss; to a friend running for office who won (or lost) the election; to a church member who went above and beyond planning an event; to a lawyer, accountant, doctor, mechanic, carpenter, etc. who helped solve an unusually sticky situation. Showing that you are thinking about someone and that you care enough about them to send a note is (in my judgment) a wonderful way to strengthen the social fabric and the bonds of personal friendship.
With that said, I typically do not send notes for things that happen in the normal course of a day. For example, I would not send a thank you note for an everyday cocktail reception or dinner party (unless I were a guest of honor) or for an everyday commercial transaction. And I would not send a condolence to someone who suffered a loss unless I was already close enough with them that the note seems sincere and appropriate.
I never slash out my last name, but I do change how I sign my name based on the occasion and my relationship to the recipient: full signature to acquaintances; nickname or initials to friends.
Regarding the issue of cost, it is an issue. :) While Crane's blank stationary is lovely and reasonable--about $2.50 per correspondence card or note, less than a Hallmark card from the drug store--their personalization is (very) expensive. I love the original reader's idea of finding someone local to print the stationary.
ReplyDeleteI always write handwritten notes. I invested in the dies for some serious engraved stationary some years back, so the investment has amortized over the years. I rue the day that Tiffany stopped doing engraved stationary, because they were the best in the business. That said, I'm always on the lookout for elegant cards with plain insides for regular bread-and-butter notes, for when the engraved paper would come across as pretentious. Or, more humorously, when the purpose of it, let alone the value of a handwritten note, would be entirely lost on members of a generation that sends wedding invitations via email, and sends "thank you" emails in response to having received a thank you note.
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ReplyDeleteI use a fair number of white Crane notecards with navy borders. People know me by my indecipherable, loopy hand. So I never resort to the dies I have amassed over the years. I also use plain, buff stationery to share news with family members.
ReplyDeleteIn the late '80s, I took post-grad courses in the management school at a prestigious Southern college where one of my professors was a former executive from one of the big three broadcast networks. She predicted that in the office of the future we would be not only hi-tech but also "hi-touch," frequently communicating via handwritten notes written with fountain pens. I leave it to my readers to make what they will of the fact that the college closed a few months ago after having been egregiously mismanaged.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading an article about the closing of Birmingham-Southern. It mentioned the Alabama state treasurer. His name is Young Boozer III. I haven't stopped smiling since.
DeleteHave always sent notes, and always will!
ReplyDeleteAs someone who began selling handmade stationery about ten years ago, I have to say I was a bit hesitant to start a notecard business during the digital age. I was surprised at the enthusiastic reception I received, and am gratified that the art of the handwritten note seems to be surviving. I send notes all the time, not just my own but ones I come across that I think are fun or beautiful. The best responses I get (yes, mostly by text but some elicit an actual phone call) are for the ones I send for no reason, just because I was thinking of the person or hadn't connected in a while. An unexpected handwritten note seems to spread so much joy.
ReplyDeleteCondolence notes- always . I hate the "online' tributes that are so common these days
ReplyDeleteI always send handwritten notes ... mostly notes of thanks for gifts, hospitality, condolence, etc. Dempsey & Carroll, I find, sell the best engraved notecards today that go on sale early in the year (Jan - Feb?) every year. When I was young, I was given my first engraved informals that were produced by John O. Mooney and still use that dye. They had a shop in the Waldorf-Astoria and they did all engraving in their plant (with a showroom) in Mount Vernon, NY. I was taught early on to write notes on fine stationery and never forgot that lesson.
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of the slashing out printed name. Reason?
ReplyDeleteI always assumed that the printed name was formal as to form and by crossing it out and writing your spoken name as used with the addressee you memorialized a closer relationship, going beyond the formal.
DeleteBack in the day, Eaton's and/or Crane's was the gold standard for a heavy stock writing paper -- either plain or in the case of their cards, a little black or gold border. In terms of customized stationery, Merrimade was popular among many of my super preppy brethren. Of course I handwrite communiques -- for gifts, hospitality, condolence, or "thinking of you" types of situations. My grandmother called hospitality notes "bread and butter letters." What is this "slash through the last name" custom of which you speak? I am just a simple Appalachian and know nothing of such a contrivance. ~ G.
ReplyDeleteOur names on our note cards are embossed so no crossing out. We both send notes for any life event, and of course a thank you for hospitality. It all may seem old school, but no one has ever said anything negative to me about receiving a hand written note. It's just what one does.
ReplyDeleteThank you notes, definitely. On time I was hired for a job because I was the only one who sent a hand written thank you note.Sometimes I write notes of encouragement or to let someone know I’m thinking of them. Truthfully, I should do this more often.
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