Ferd Week begins with a comment left by Ferd, September, 2010
Here is a quick list of do's and don't's for all you wannabe Prepsters who have to attend your child's first fall athletic event:
WHAT TO DRIVE TO THE GAME:
Do: Any Jaguar built before 1965; any Jeep made before 1990; Land Rover Defender with wet bathing suits in the back and your younger son's hockey gloves; 1992 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon; Geladenwagen; anything without a visible registration sticker; anything with an Obama sticker Aston Martin; Porsche Turbo.
Don't: Hummer (if you own one, just stop reading - you are beyond my ability to help you); anything made by Ford (expect possibly a 1989 Bronco II with several beach permit stickers from Nantucket); anything Japanese or Korean; anything with a Bush or McCain sticker; and finally, the ultimate sin, a Corvette.
WHAT DOG TO BRING IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE RIGHT CAR OR TRUCK:
Do: Golden Retriever (but only it its name is Pooh, Bear, or Poohbear); any Lab; Cairn or Jack Russell; Irish or English Setter; any breed with fewer than 5 registered dogs in the United States (as in "we saw her in Tibet and just had to bring her home").
Don't: German Shepard; Beagle; Poodle; Yorkshire Terrier; anything with white fur; anything wearing a coat (unless the coat is a needlepoint with the Wesleyan Seal stitched into a dark blue or red background).
CLOTHING (HIM):
Do: Lacoste under Brooks (if you don't know what this means, just stop reading and have your son transfer to Hofstra); 50-year old sweater found in parent's ski house in New Hampshire when you visited on break from college in 1976; Bermuda length shorts as soon as possible in the season; your younger child's Andover Hockey Jacket; anything belonging to your son that fits; Barbour; J. Press sport coat belonging to your father when he went to Harvard; Camel hair topcoat from Paul Stuart.
Don't: Any sweatshirt, especially if it bears a designer logo, or the name of any educational institution located in Long Island; LL Bean Hunting Boots (they are so 1995); jeans; anything black; anything white; sneakers; gloves; scarf.
CLOTHING (HER):
Do: Belgium loafers, especially if it is snowing or very muddy; headband; Patagonia vest; gold knot earrings; Nantucket needlepoint belt; anything from Eye of the Needle; your younger child's Andover Hockey Jacket; your grandmother's wool knit hat; your son's Parka.
Don't: A "winter coat" (ever heard of layering, or Patagonia?); boots; jeans; a hat; a skirt; stockings; earrings longer than 1/8th of an inch; make up that is noticeable; anything larger than size 2 (in fact, if you aren't blond and a size 2, just stop reading and have your son transfer to Stony Brook, there is no way you will fit in at a NESCAC Lax game); heels; anything purchased at a Mall.
Ferd is the Word!
ReplyDeleteNot sure the Geladenwagen comment aged well but the rest is pure gold.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteIt’s always fun when the sarcasm bus drives off the cliff.
ReplyDeleteHilarious -- and so much still rings true today!
ReplyDeletehttps://www.linkedin.com/in/joseph-b-lacoste/
ReplyDeleteThis is horrendous.
ReplyDeleteFerd carelessly contradicted himself with his Ford remarks.
ReplyDelete"Belgian," not "Belgium."
ReplyDeleteI was considering Aston Martin but I realised that 49 is not right age for this car. But for sure not Obama sticker on it!
ReplyDeleteExactly -- I was fine until it got to the Obama sticker part, and since I couldn't be sure that part was non-sarcastic, I stopped reading just in case
DeleteYeah right, beagles in the don‘t-column. Ever been to England? What profound ignorance.
DeleteWhoever Ferd was when he posted this in 2010, he is certainly less than objective and is 1) very Anti-Long Island - has he never heard of the Gold Coast, F. Scott Fitzgerald's THE GREAT GATSBY? and 2) seems to think those who attended/graduated from Hofstra University are some form of lower life.
ReplyDeleteThe pretentious comments made me want to gag.
Humor aside, this is not far from the way NESCAC lacrosse games really were in my day. I still recall the game in the spring of '93 when a recently retired George H.W. Bush came up to Bowdoin to watch the game against Colby. He was gracious and kind to everyone. As to shoes, we could always tell when someone on campus was "from away" by the visitor's impractical shoes. Guests on campus seldom appreciated that snow, ice, sand, slush, and mud were a part of daily life for much of the academic year.
ReplyDeleteIf Ferd is still alive, he would have a coronary at University of Michigan parents' weekends. Hordes of people from Long Island, many clad in too-tight monochrome black or white outfits with designer emblems. Ferd would also vapor lock at the current state of lacrosse, because it's no longer exclusively the province of preppy places, and it is absolutely dominated by players from (gasp) Long Island.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Bean hand-made boots? Very Preppy.
ReplyDeleteStay with the classic way!
ReplyDeleteWhen was, what was the last Ferd post?
ReplyDeleteHeh. Bless his heart.
ReplyDeleteLol, just kidding - that was so fun. Thank you!!