In a New England WASP world, weddings would be little more than a short ceremony at the Congregational church, followed by "punch and cookies" at the bride's house. Guests at an ideal birthday wouldn't even fill the sitting room. The best dinner parties are out of doors with a sailboat or two docked nearby. Rituals are important, but done with restraint.
Graduations aside, there is an aversion to ceremony and festivities bordering on anathema.
The whys are clear. To many WASPs they are a waste of money, and nothing more than a distraction. And perhaps worst of all, such scheduled merriment forces everyone to wear festive attire.
All is not lost, however, for WASPs when dragooned.
One strategy is to find other like minded people and more effectively use the gathering. At any Ivy League football game are at least three clusters of people, including one or two of trustees, working issues as rigorously as in any boardroom. And another approach, for some WASPs, is to find a quiet corner for a quick doze when the boredom inevitably strikes.
And non-WASPs co-planning such events quickly learn an important rule: never put a WASP in charge of the food, but perhaps the Scotch.
Memories of our wedding came flooding back. It was late morning in mid-July in Salem, Oregon. It was crystal clear with a high of seventy. The service was original Cranmer, minus the "obey" and with a eucharist. The processional, played on a little pump organ, was Iesu, Joy of Man's Desiring, and the recessional was the Ode to Joy. The reception, catered by my brother and me, was sandwiches and lemonade by the pear orchard. On our way to Otter Crest for a honeymoon, we grabbed a burger, starting a tradition. As we near our fiftieth, our daughter asked our plans. It seems that a cheeseburger and a movie has always worked so why not keep it going. I think she wants a bigger blowout. As she nears her tenth, maybe we can throw one for her. Late October is a great time for an outdoor party in Austin. I am thinking barbecue and bourbon, what they had at their reception! In Central Texas barbecue is the essence of pomp and circumstance. I am pretty sure it is why Elgar wrote those works.
ReplyDeleteAs an Austin resident, I can confirm that good barbecue epitomizes pomp and circumstance around here. But so do Tex-Mex, fried anything, cajun, steaks and all manner of Asian. We like to eat. As a Presbyterian-raised Texan, I have to agree with Dave that Northeastern WASP's are a different breed. The protestant Scots-Irish in the South and Southwest will join up with the Catholics to throw one hell of a party.
DeleteOurs and all three children's weddings took place on Labor Day weekends, were small and took place at a former girls' summer camp. Guests stayed in camp cottages so they didn't have to drive anywhere after having imbibed. Labor Day weekend each year is thus a happy gathering and time for reminiscence. On the other hand our oldest daughter has since been a wedding photographer working out of NYC. She has told stories about shooting over-the-top-quarter-million-dollar weddings out in The Hamptons. During Covid she moved her business to Asheville NC, a much quieter but still active wedding destination venue. See www.sarahtewphotography/com
ReplyDeleteAs a Midwesterner, I would say it has less to do with being a WASP than being a Yankee WASP. Midwestern WASPs emigrated from a different part of the colonies and don't carry much of that Yankee baggage trussed so tightly by its Calvinist bindings. Not that we don't have our own wet blankets, but they tend to be Wesleyans, not Calvinists. Our Calvinists tip our hats to him on our way to the party. And so it goes.
ReplyDeleteYes
DeleteI once attended the wedding of a WASP and a non-WASP. On the WASP side everybody was dressed like they were going to a football game at UVA or Hampden-Sydney. On the non-WASP side (the family was French Catholic, I think) everybody was dressed like they were going to the coronation of a king or queen. The difference was stark, and I think both sides thought the other side was slightly inappropriately dress. I found the whole thing somewhat amusing.
ReplyDeleteOur wedding guest list maxed out at 65. That's the total that could fit in the private chapel (Episcopalian) on a plantation nearby to where my husband grew up. A few years ago we planned a celebratory 50th birthday party for my husband, also for 65 max at the Botanical Garden. Unfortunately COVID had other plans for us all then, and it was canceled. C'est la vie.
ReplyDeleteWestover by any chance?
DeleteWedding was in Natchez, MS. B'day party was to be at the Atlanta Botanical Garden.
DeleteMy husband and I were the first same sex couple to be married in our little Episcopal Church. To us, the highest praises of the day came from the "church ladies" who said our day resembled their weddings from the 1940s -- a traditional service followed by punch and cake in the parish hall. In addition to an all-ages punch we also had stations for Pimm's and champagne.
ReplyDeleteLove it! We got married on the front porch of my wife's parent's farmhouse. There were more cows present than people.
ReplyDeleteOld habits die hard!
ReplyDeleteMarried in the Newport, RI, City Hall...Just family and a few friends... The judge was late and came "flying" through the door in his black cape and salt crusted Topsiders... (He was working on his boat...). A small lobster dinner followed and the small event laid the keel for our first home...
ReplyDeleteThe best wedding we attended was in Southern California. It was a typical Episcopalian ceremony attended by the old family's, aka, WASP, relatives and friends. It was put together quickly, and the reception was held in the museum's garden with food made and provided by friends. The atmosphere was perfect and we all had a wonderful time. The only downside was several years later the husband and wife divorced.
ReplyDeleteIt was a typical "Episcopal" ceremony, Episcopal being an adjective. Episcopalian is a noun and is used to describe a member of the Episcopal Church USA. To this day, as a lifelong Episcopalian, I am surprised that so many members of the Church still use the two terms interchangeably but also incorrectly.
DeleteMarried on the schooner Thomas E. Lannon, out of Gloucester, MA. Max capacity was 40, which was perfect. Served chowder and lobster rolls, with cupcakes for desert. Everyone had a blast.
ReplyDeleteFunny this is turned into a post about weddings.
ReplyDeleteWell the first sentence of the post was about weddings, so....
DeleteI really hate to be "that guy" (i.e., the jerk that goes around correcting people on spelling and grammar and word usage and such) and I do apologize but... Please note that "Episcopalian" is not an adjective, it is a noun. It always only refers to a person who is a member of that denomination. The adjective is "Episcopal."
ReplyDeleteSome examples:
"John and Mary are both lifelong Episcopalians, so their wedding took place in the Episcopal church on the town green."
"The Episcopal prayer book is called 'The Book of Common Prayer.' Many Episcopalians turn to it for solace in times of sorrow."
"I went to an Episcopal school, where Episcopal chapel services were held on a weekly basis. Most, but certainly not all, of the students there were Episcopalians."
I missed your comment here and posted my own explaining the difference between the adjective Episcopal and the proper noun Episcopalian. As a lifelong Episcopalian, it still irks me that people use the two interchangeably but also incorrectly.
DeleteThis hits hard. It was becoming clear that my (now) wife and I were going to be incapable of arriving at any balance of wedding festivity that didn't feel self-indulgent and naff.
ReplyDeleteThen COVID hit and we learned the courthouse implemented a strict policy of no guests - if that was going to be a problem, your option was to wait until things went back to normal.
Suddenly, we had a perfect opportunity to get the whole thing over with in 10 minutes in the most low-key fashion possible. My parents weren't upset - they couldn't be, because in their day they had chosen to elope.
Understatement is the ethos...always.
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