 |
| Photo by My Father |
For those who went to prep school, either as a day student or as a boarder, what habits, good or bad, did you pick up that remain with you today?Some comments:
As a 21st century prep school graduate, one differentiator is that I’m comfortable wearing pants even on the hottest of days!
Being over prepared! :)
In my kindergarten school picture I'm wearing a blue blazer, an OCBD, and a repp bow tie. I wore the same ensemble throughout my school years. And as I sit here about to teach my next class at a New England boarding school, I'm still wearing it. Semper eadem.
Clogs, khakis, OCBD shirts and Clinique makeup. Good manners and thank you notes.
Decorum at all costs- not oversharing thoughts and feelings because really, in the end, nobody cares. Today there is a tendency to reveal too much, how much one makes, what something costs, and on and on. It becomes exhausting to pretend to care. I don't and find my eyes glaze over much of the time.
My years in prep school taught me that it is better to swim than to sink, that I'd only be fooling myself if I thought I was either unique or particularly special, that nobody likes a contrarian or a complainer, and that downers get left behind. (Reggie Darling)
Weejuns. Wool. Button downs. LL Bean sweaters. Voracious reading. An absolute solidarity with my classmates that never wanes. Observing before engaging.
A heavy reliance on the wonders of shoe goo, formerly motivated by a scheme to use the money for new loafers to buy beer. Pairing foul weather gear with blazers and suits which is likely not a great look on an adult. Overall preference for repairing and holding onto things rather than replace...now as a lawyer I wear the same blazers from my senior year (thankfully my mother always bought a size too big) (TGK)
Manners, pearls, the utility of a well made navy blazer, understated makeup, and always pushing my chair back into place after rising from a desk or dining table.
The habitual use of "sir" to any male older than I.
A certain fondness for navy blazers, OCBD shirts, khaki slacks, loafers as an all-occasions dress code.
Always, always having three or four books going at once. (I know it sounds snobby, but ink-on-paper is where I go for relaxation.)
To nearly "All the above" I'll add my love of outdoor sports. I spend a good portion of everyday every season outdoors.(Suzanne )
Tendency to over-dress for informal events and under-dress for formal ones. (Sartre)
As a 21st century prep school graduate, one differentiator is that I’m comfortable wearing pants even on the hottest of days!
ReplyDeleteAs a 1949 prep school graduate I can only say amen to all of the above, the world's oldest preppy...!!!
DeleteArthur Edwin Lloyd III
I still wear Bass Weejuns out and about.
ReplyDeleteAs a 20th century prep graduate, I'm comfortable wearing shorts, even on cold days, with wool rag socks and Bean bluchers. Also, I never appear without a belt or an white crew neck undershirt.
ReplyDeleteDitto!
DeleteI wear the Top siders and I wear the clogs. I make sure I have white turtlenecks and crewneck sweaters. Despite having to wear a uniform (a plaid skirt), I still love tartan and plaid.
ReplyDeleteGood study habits. Churchgoing. Respect for authority -- even if we did not show it then.
ReplyDeleteIronic attitude and a tendency toward sarcastic remarks. Never too early for a drink.
Layering. Tendency to over-dress for informal events and under-dress for formal ones.
Dear Sartre, I would have thought your school memory was encapsulated in your witty remark, 'I have no need for good souls: an accomplice is what I wanted'.
DeleteIndeed! You just described me.
DeleteEating quickly.
ReplyDeleterolled sleeves rather than short sleeved button downs, boat shoes (no socks), and layering
ReplyDeleteCatholic Girls Day School - fear of being late.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention nuns with rulers.
DeleteMaryAnne
Other than dress, which has changed very little - short pants and I still tuck my tie inside my shirt at lunch.
ReplyDeleteBeing over prepared! :)
ReplyDeleteThat's it!! That is what I see in my husband and sister-in-law.
DeleteIn my kindergarten school picture I'm wearing a blue blazer, an OCBD, and a repp bow tie. I wore the same ensemble throughout my school years. And as I sit here about to teach my next class at a New England boarding school, I'm still wearing it. Semper eadem.
ReplyDeleteOxford Cloth Button Down shirt unless there's a reason not to. Work hard, play hard.
ReplyDeleteWhile my "prep" school was a rural high school in south central Illinois, way more years than I want to admit later, I am still wearing Weejuns, dirty canvas sneakers, khakis and OCBD shirts.
ReplyDeleteTrying too hard . . .
ReplyDeleteClogs, khakis, OCBD shirts and Clinique makeup. Good manners and thank you notes.
ReplyDeleteDecorum at all costs- not oversharing thoughts and feelings because really, in the end, nobody cares. Today there is a tendency to reveal too much, how much one makes, what something costs, and on and on. It becomes exhausting to pretend to care. I don't and find my eyes glaze over much of the time.
ReplyDeleteAgree completely. People today, especially the young, have an overwhelming need to share everything with everyone. Although I did not go go boarding school, I was taught that one doesn't talk about personal matters in public, especially politics and/or religion. If more people adhered to that modest principle today, perhaps we wouldn't be so divided.
DeleteI stumbled on the blog last night from Pinterest and grateful for that. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading countless posts and have a much better view into the way my parents raised me. This is a fantastic point about being so divided. I’m in my early 30s and have yet to hear someone describe it like this. I couldn’t agree more.
DeleteWent to a Southern military boarding school. Lord of the Flies environment. Learned to trust my gut instinct about people. Still do a military tuck for my shirts. No patience for bullies. Keep shoes either shined, or, for boat shoes, leather clean and supple.
ReplyDeleteJ - So very true... I did not attend a prep school but did go to college at The Citadel and think the experience there was very much mid twentieth century prep school. I've found myself nodding along in agreement to 90% of these comments. "Lord of the Flies" indeed!
DeleteMy years in prep school taught me that it is better to swim than to sink, that I'd only be fooling myself if I thought I was either unique or particularly special, that nobody likes a contrarian or a complainer, and that downers get left behind.
ReplyDeleteWeejuns. Wool. Button downs. LL Bean sweaters. Voracious reading. An absolute solidarity with my classmates that never wanes. Observing before engaging. Decorum. Being polite even when those around me are rude. And unfortunately, the smirk and nod.
ReplyDeleteCrack of dawn run across the park; shower & head out with wet hair. Dressing in layers. Practice to make things look easy. Putting people at ease.
ReplyDeleteStill brush my teeth in the shower.
ReplyDeletePractice, practice, practice. Weejuns, tartan, pearls, crisp white blouses, camel polo coat. Be polite and never make someone uncomfortable. And as dear Michael Rowe said eating quickly! cheers
ReplyDeleteI over-dress for drinks parties and lunch . I find it difficult to go casual. My father instilled this upon me and I'll stay with it to the grave .........
ReplyDelete67 years old. Today at work...Blue blazer, Khakis, OCBD, crew neck sweater, Sperrys Camel wool topcoat....some things never change
ReplyDeleteGlad to see no one wrote “smoking” :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't mention it because I quit! :D Our "Stoop Group" would smoke or simply sit and chat on the nearby brownstone stairs between classes. When it was nice out we'd walk to Central Park at lunch.
DeleteWe had a smoking lounge! Granted it was an outdoor courtyard, only open to upperclassmen but still - smoking in high school - yikes!
DeleteOur headmaster smoked cigars in his office and the elevator operator smoked a pipe right in the elevator. We did have a student lounge but no smoking was permitted in there.
DeleteWe had a smoking area at school too, an old picnic table under an oak tree. Hard to believe now!
DeleteA heavy reliance on the wonders of shoe goo, formerly motivated by a scheme to use the money for new loafers to buy beer. Pairing foul weather gear with blazers and suits which is likely not a great look on an adult. Overall preference for repairing and holding onto things rather than replace...now as a lawyer I wear the same blazers from my senior year (thankfully my mother always bought a size too big) and use the same back pack.
ReplyDeleteI did not attend prep school.
ReplyDeletePlease forgive me for using this opportunity to say to Reggie Darling that I am so happy to see his comment. I followed his blog for years, and then it suddenly stopped. I'm telling myself that because he commented here, he must be doing at least okay. I learned a number of things from Reggie's writing. I'm just about to finish my last bottle of Caldrea Mandarin Vetiver dish soap. I learned about this soap from Reggie, and I've enjoyed using it for years. Sadly, it has been discontinued. I think I will try Mrs. Meyers Lemon. Thank you, Reggie for being you. If this comment is too off-topic Muffie can delete it. Also, I'm Anonymous, not because I want to be anonymous, but because I am barely computer literate, and I don't have accounts at places like Google.
That's a wonderful comment, and I'm also a fan of Mr. Darling. Hopefully you follow him on Instagram, where he posts the most marvellous pictures.
DeleteThe impulse to vomit at the sight of overcooked green vegetables, especially stuffed peppers. During winter term they appeared way too often at dinner or supper. Except for fresh salad greens, tomatoes and shredded carrots that torture ruined vegetables for me for life.
ReplyDeleteOh mercy! I had blocked out the memory of stuffed bell peppers. So vile!
DeleteThat's where I learned the truth - that a uniform, the color navy blue, plaids and tartans, all these will keep you well turned out, appropriate and at your ease.
ReplyDeleteSmoking actual oval-shaped cigarettes (“English Ovals”), during my one year of prep school, is a reminder of how pretentious a 14 year old can be.
ReplyDeleteManners, pearls, the utility of a well made navy blazer, understated makeup, and always pushing my chair back into place after rising from a desk or dining table.
ReplyDeleteI went to a bohemian prep school. I still wear a beret.
ReplyDeleteCatholic all-boys prep school. I call everyone "Sir," "Ma'am," or "Father."
ReplyDeleteOh, yes....and i remember detention too...1hr afer school looking at a blackboard !!!
DeleteI had a very similar experience except mine was an all-boys catholic military school. I don't think I owned a pair jeans until I went to college.
DeleteBecause we were somewhat isolated from civilization, we kept in touch through newspapers and classroom discussion of current events. I've been an avid consumer of news ever since. I'm constantly shocked to meet people who know little about the world, unless we go to war with a particular country.
ReplyDeleteMGC
• The habitual use of "sir" to any male older than I.
ReplyDelete• A certain fondness for navy blazers, OCBD shirts, khaki slacks, loafers as an all-occasions dress code.
• Always, always having three or four books going at once. (I know it sounds snobby, but ink-on-paper is where I go for relaxation.)
Thank you, Muffie.
ReplyDeleteTo nearly "All the above" I'll add my love of outdoor sports. I spend a good portion of everyday every season outdoors.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
No socks
ReplyDeletethe craaaak! of that disc on ashwood
ReplyDeletewind in the trees
showers of ice shavings
Poise and Balance: how to deftly shimmy up a fire escape at night. The wonders of WD-40.
ReplyDeleteTrue Appreciativeness of The Three Food Groups: any coffee with cream and sugar.
Financial Analyst: How to spend all your money at least seven times before purchasing a thing or better yet the current rate of loaning yours.
Limits and Liabilities: stuffing your dirty laundry bag, spatial awareness of one’s car trunk, a sibling’s hot date. Actual hours of sleep needed.
Cultivated varieties and social graces: able to adapt to whomever, whatever, whenever, and why… ever. Asset for not getting beat up or for accessing the future Corporate Opportunities.
Phobias: a large amount of flowing black material, thick wooden rulers, etymology, squeaky highlighters, grey stringy or slimy vegetables.
Velocity: cafeteria meals, mid terms, Friday nights, quantities of beer, economics, bad pizza, the laws of gravity…life.
Currents: AC and DC, government, early morning rowing, campus politics.
Pre Majors: theories vs. career options, financial aid, technological solutions, purgatory, practicality, hereditary, advancing holidays…Begging & Groveling 101.
^ Marvelous
DeleteWhat a lovely post.
DeletePerseverance and resilience
ReplyDeleteThis has been an enjoyable read. Thank you : )
ReplyDelete"What would Joe Bloggs do?"
ReplyDeleteA uniform that I wore to Catholic Schools some 40 years ago I still wear. Navy Blazer, gray slacks, white button down and blue tie. I mix things up now with khakis and rep ties. At 61 I still call people Mr. or Mrs. when I meet them.
ReplyDeleteBed-making, deference and adherence to the rules of grammar.
ReplyDeleteI'd have to say a love of rowing... and vodka.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, I remember my catholic school!!! Good manners, good grammar...
ReplyDeleteHubby, an Old Etonian, has highly polished shoes and manners, a clean white handkerchief at all times and all apparel from 'meh tailor'.
ReplyDeleteCan't go on with the day unless the room is in pristine order. God, I mis the UK.
ReplyDeleteWas this picture taken at The Gunnery?? Sure looks like it! That's where I went!
ReplyDeleteI am 66 now and being taught respect all those years ago has stood me very good stead. Never feeling 'second' to anyone. Not necessarily better (big-headedness was soon bashed out of us) but feeling equal. I guess you could call it confidence.
ReplyDeleteFinally understanding why my dad always wore a scally cap when working on projects around the house and playing golf. I saw photos of him and his brother at Salisbury in the 30s and apparently it was the thing to wear then! Prep habits die hard.
ReplyDeleteHoney not bombs. Simple is more! Buy it once, buy it to last! For the love of loafers, always keep a roll of duct tape handy. “Where are the damn keys to my parents Volvo? I’m dead! Wool is a life saver!:)
ReplyDeletePrior preparation prevents poor performance.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about that expression just last night. The version I was taught had another p-word in it just before "poor." My school wasn't the ultimate in polish, but our rhetorical style was ornate in its own way.
DeleteSlade, I know what word you're talking about. I suppose that's a more colorful version and I believe it's the preferred version in the military. At my school the use of that word would have been strongly discouraged.
DeleteMy Top Siders, and gaffers tape has got me this far!
ReplyDeleteI went to a bohemian prep school in Florida. I still say "man" and "dude" a lot, and have very few inhibitions about tending to my bodily functions in front of other people.
ReplyDeleteI can still tie a bow tie at a dead sprint across a frozen quad.
ReplyDeleteBackgammon and dip. I managed to stop the later, but still love the former.
ReplyDeleteAmong others, tucking my tie inside my shirt at meals.
ReplyDeleteMost of these comments, especially regarding clothing, manners, etc., I still adhere to and I went to public schools. However, I did grow up in the Charlottesville, VA area in the 50's and 60's.
ReplyDeleteCharlottesville was “before prep” if that counts 😎
Delete" Charlottesville was "before prep" if that counts." I could not agree more, as is Lexington . Here's to Jefferson, Washington and Lee ... collars up !!!
DeleteI did a tour in the Air Force ..... More nick names in a fighter squadron than in any Prep School..... Later opened a bar mentioned In the Official Preppy Handbook ........ Instructed the managers: Don't hire as a bartender, anyone not kicked out of at least two good prep schools..... I was only kicked out of one... Now, age 82, have accumulated thirteen, mostly shiney, blazers, some with proud old Yacht Club patches,...I still like dry Gin Martinis and drive a 577 HP M-B ......And, lastly,........ Muffy, you do a good thing........Cordially, "Snake"................ (You can't pick your own nickname) .... Unfortunately for me...
ReplyDeleteI can still tie a four in hand knot or a bow tie, half asleep on my way to 10am Sunday service at my Episcopal Church! My wife and kids are in amazement at my most peculiar skill set! My beloved Rector is as well...
ReplyDeleteSomethings remain the same.
Can you tie the four in hand while driving ?
DeleteI still can, and sometimes will, wear a blazer and tie, in very hot weather, in a church without air-conditioning. I still know the words of most of the old standby hymns of the Episcopal Church. I still speak French. And I still know how to box.
ReplyDeleteUse words, emotions and money sparingly but not miserly.
ReplyDeleteThe bi-weekly formal dinner whereby the entire school dressed in tie and jacket (and the equivalent for girls) and sat with different students on a rotating basis taught me how to carry on with most everyone (believe it or not my prep school was far more diverse both economically and racially than my hometown’s public high school). I would imagine this tradition is particularly healthy for today’s students , as it demands real non-digital conversation and discourse .
ReplyDeleteStrange to think that the Preppy Boys depicted in this 1960s black and white photo are now old men in their 70s. One can only hope that each of them had a fulfilling, happy life. Sadly, the cliche "Tempus Fugit" never changes.
ReplyDeleteThe days are long but the years are short.
DeleteIn my mind and mannerisms, I am still that young person in those ancient black and white photos, despite my knees arguing to the contrary. I still dress the same, study and observe but hold my tongue, gravitate to the same adult beverages I discovered before becoming an adult, go out even on cold mornings with wet hair and no socks, tie both bowties and four in hand without benefit of mirror, sing the Episcopal hymnody on autopilot, follow lacrosse and basketball (despite living now in a state that lives for football), favor old British roadsters, and wear things until they fall apart. The only major changes are that I have a greater appreciation for mystery meat and overcooked vegetables and have finally gotten more comfortable with encountering the opposite sex, although I still find them hard to understand. The scents of books, old wooden floorboards, and grass stains make me nostalgic.
DeleteI'm 58. I just bought an iron and spray starch for my polo shirts. They were on sale from Brooks, but they were obviously stuck on a wire hanger too long. Wash, starch, and iron the collars into shape. Bunch of Savages allowed the shirts to get into this sorry state.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started as a day student at Christian Brothers Academy in 1964, we had to wear cuffs on our pants. This infuriated my mother who alway bought my pants long with cuffs that could be let down as. grew. (I started freshman year at 5’2” and 84 lbs. I grew 4 inches and 25 lbs before the school year was over.) To this day I put cuffs on all my pants except for my tuxedo pants.
ReplyDeleteClothing, style, manners, ambition and what others may think of me are not something I pay much attention to, and perhaps more's the pity. All that is reflected in what the headmaster at my school wrote in a precis of his observations about each Sixth Form boy. They were in confidential files available to colleges at application time. Decades after my graduation and his passing I asked the school secretary if I could read my file. He'd written the following: "XXX is at times almost inarticulate. At the same time, when he acts there's an independent cast of thought, high character and unimpeachable integrity." My inarticulateness showed in my terrible college application essays and interviews. The precis was a bit like being 'damned with faint praise' as far as those college applications went, and I laughed to read it so many years later. He was right. I was accepted at only one college I applied to, my first choice thankfully, and always suspected he pulled some strings for it.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. :-)
DeleteAs a 1987 prep school graduate, I am dressing the same as I did beginning in seventh grade - khakis, buttondowns, loafers, sweaters from Scotland, etc. Nothing trendy. My wife has pointed this out on multiple occasions. Otherwise, I agree with the other comments of modesty, good manners, and the Protestant work ethic.
ReplyDeleteClass will out! Forever!
ReplyDeletePranks. To this day, nothing brightens a day like a good prank. Memory serves that in fifth form we redirected Route 206 traffic into the school property using makeshift barricades. By the time the police arrived, several hundred cars were wondering around campus without direction nor any hope of finding an exit. It was breathtaking and resulted in four expulsions. The prior year, beer was carefully substituted for soda in all campus vending machines the morning of Parent's weekend, followed within a few hours by placing a flatuent cow on the second floor of an academic building after the second bell (cows walk upstairs; they do not walk downstairs). The greatest of all, however, was transporting the entire fifth form by bus to Atlantic City for the sole purpose of sending the Headmaster a basket of saltwater taffy by postage due freight. Two more expulsions for that one.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh, pranks! One of my favorites was the overnight disassembly of the assistant headmaster's VW Beetle and its reassembly in the front of the dining hall in time for breakfast. I recall it was there for a little bit....
DeleteA jerk of a teacher's VW Beetle turned sideways in his parking slot between two holly hedges, boxing it in.
DeleteAll men.
ReplyDeleteHelps to have an Episcopal bishop in the family.
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
DeleteI see this post has 95 comments. I was wondering what post has received the largest amount of comments? This has to be one of the largest if not the largest.
ReplyDeleteI still carry on the traditions of my lower school teachings: a love of literature, art history, old school decorum, moderation and above all -- sewing by hand (using the correct stitches). Collars up !!!
ReplyDeleteMid-80's southern boarding school here... Belted pants/shorts always, tucked in shirts almost always, proper decorum almost always, and I smoked until I was 42.
ReplyDeleteMiss Porters-the egg count
ReplyDeleteif you know, you know
DeleteManners. That’s what is missing in today’s society. That, and not dressing like you just climbed out of bed. I cannot fathom why people dress like they are homeless.
ReplyDeleteHow to feel completely comfortable in a coat and tie. I don't suffer from that self-conscious, awkward feeling of being "dressed up" that people who didn't wear a coat and tie six days a week, from age twelve to age eighteen, often experience.
ReplyDeleteHow to box. And how to keep my mouth shut.
ReplyDeleteI am old enough to remember the era (granted, it was the tail-end of that era) when a dispute/personality clash/bad blood between two students at an all-boys schools was settled by "putting on the gloves." Brutal? Violent? Maybe. But it did tend to put an end to the problem.
And those of us who were not genuinely tough, who felt a little squeamish about having to actually duke it out, tended to think twice about starting trouble with a class-mate, dorm-mate, room-mate. So I learned how to box but I also learned to keep my mouth shut in order to avoid having to box. Two valuable skills!
Quaker values: SPICE: Simplicity Peace Integrity Community Equality; how to polish Pappagallo kid leather flats with boot cream; how to hike patch madras skirts up 3 inches after leaving home but before Homeroom.
ReplyDelete