Monday, April 24, 2017

Two Excerpts From Ladies Like Us

Poise
We often hear about having “poise” when we speak of someone considered ladylike, nicely put together and well regarded in life. 
Poise is a dignified state of mind that is always stable and self-assured, well balanced and consistent. Considering a lot of us suffer from a little social anxiety to debilitating self-confidence, when it comes to new experiences, poise is something every woman should try to cultivate. Regardless of how we feel now, poise is something we can all have, and should have as part of our arsenal! I’m sure there is no woman out there who enjoys feeling flustered and anxious about herself and her conduct or self-assurance when faced with daily life. 
Poise is very simply, the sense of inner peace and stability that is in the state of mind of someone who has a sense of purpose, confidence and intelligence to know how to handle themselves in all situations. Sadly, it is the one thing we aren’t born with. Poise is something you need to develop and learn, and while it feel like an uphill battle, once you start climbing, the momentum feels rather wonderful. 
So how do we go about attaining poise? We study our minds, our anxieties, our fears and our social misdeeds and we correct them. Not explicitly for the benefit of those around us, but for ourselves. Wouldn’t it be nice to walk into any room and know that you can handle whatever is thrown at you? That you can be at ease with yourself to know what to say to the right person at the right time and never put your foot in your mouth. Or have the confidence to try anything in life without the fear of failure (because you know it isn’t really a failure, just a lesson to be learnt and recognised as an opportunity for further improvement).
Book Sent by Darling Academy
Standing around and waiting 
We stand around for quite a bit during the day. In queues, on public transport, waiting at a bar or serving station, in the office and general “waiting”, always waiting. It can be frustrating of course, but it shouldn’t have to ruffle your feathers. Having the right mental attitude in these situations can help you keep your cool and your charm. It’s unfathomable why any woman would go to so much trouble to doll herself up to go out and then let it all go to pot when faced with a situation in which she must wait a while. 
Quite often these situations tend to make us tired and irritable but that should be no reason for you to let it look so, for when you feel irritated, bored and annoyed it shows in your body language and you can look quite petulant. How many women have you seen waiting around in queues that look downtrodden and bitter? Think about it, their hips are popped out and they shift their weight from hip to hip with each “I’m frustrated” huff. With sour, vacant expressions, eyes downcast at the floor, or worse, eyes rolling, they lean against walls, perch on dirty surfaces and begin to pick at their nails. The worst offenders are those who think that seeing as they have a bit of time to spare decide to “camp out” and spread their entire body and belongings all over the place. 
When you queue, stand in your own personal space, not too close to the person in front (sadly, you cannot choose how close the person behind you stands). Make sure your body is pointing towards the area of focus – for example a service desk or counter. Turning your back on it or not paying attention subconsciously annoys others as it gives the impression that you are “slow to react”. Facing forwards means you are always available for eye contact with the person serving and in some instances you may be seen first, or given information about wait times etc. It leaves the opportunity open for communication. Don’t flail your limbs all over the place and certainly don’t huff. If you must “do something” while waiting, then reach for a book rather than a phone and do look up from time to time. If the queue is short and doesn’t require you to “pass the time”, then definitely do not take out your phone and scroll though it “just because”, you are better than that. Pay attention to those serving, those around you and your body language.   
© 2016 Alena Kate Pettitt; Used with Permission.

16 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I will definately seek out a copy of this book. It is also nice to know that a "movement" back to respect and dignity is "around the corner". Whew! Just in time...

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  2. I loved this. Thanks to your reader for sharing.

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  3. Yes, it's nice to see someone who dares to be different. Respect and dignity are attributes to be earned, man or woman. So many of us have forgotten that, and it seems civility and manners are lost on so many today. Thanks for this reminder.

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    1. I think, at one point when we are all extremely tired, not best of health, over worked, not making ends meet, and so worn out on many aspects- we are just surviving and we forget common manners.

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  4. I have read Alena's book and it's like a breath of fresh air in a world where there are many mixed messages being sent to women, especially young girls. Alena, wise beyond her years, courageously became transparent in lovingly sharing her life experiences and guides the reader with timeless, tried and true wisdom about poise, civility and how to lead a successful life. I met this lovely young woman through SWNE and take great pleasure in being associated as her resident etiquette adviser on The Darling Academy website. I look forward to eventually meeting her in person!

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    1. I adore your website, I have learned so much from it!
      May I please take this time to thank you and share your site.
      http://www.definingmanners.com/

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    2. Thank you, that is very kind of you to share my website.

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    3. Thank you for the best (and work) advice!
      http://www.definingmanners.com/managing-your-online-resume/

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    4. I'm happy you found some useful advice. My website has been recently updated but I haven't added all the articles back onto it - you have set a bit of fire under me, thank you!

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  5. Wonderful! Could'nt come at a better time. Keeping the faith and hoping many will truly embrace its wisdom.

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  6. Thank you again. I shall buy the book.

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  7. found it @
    https://www.thedarlingacademy.com/ladies-like-us/
    and
    http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32309398-ladies-like-us
    and this was best
    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/ladies-like-us-alena-kate-pettitt/1124705994/2675118540113?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+greatbookprices_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP24104

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  8. Thank you ever so much Muffy.

    I am delighted and honoured that you agreed to share my book with fellow SWNE readers. To those who have bought a copy a commented above, thank you all and I sincerely hope you enjoy it, if not for yourselves then maybe your daughters or granddaughters.

    Best wishes from England,

    Alena.

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  9. I bought this book for my Kindle and am enjoying it so far. Great advice for ladies of all ages.

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  10. I like the point about not scrolling through your phone. I am guilty of this - who isn't? But I do often think I should be better than that. And you do certainly notice when someone is not on a phone, or reading a book. Does a book on the phone e-reader count? If I am scrolling on my phone it is generally through this site!

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    1. Waspwaist - yes, even I find myself doing this from time to time! It's definitely a learned habit. SWNE is definitely on the OK list for phone scrolling I say. As long as its educational or cultural then all is good. :)

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